When we talk about mom-shaming, few have experienced it with as much fervor as Hilaria Baldwin. Whether it’s comments about her and husband actor Alec Baldwin using a surrogate to carry their sixth child, her sexy workout attire, or yes, the way she speaks, she’s no stranger to controversy.
The mom of six says she’s now using the criticism as a teaching moment for her kids. “I tell my kids that it’s very important to know themselves and have a strong center, yet understand that we are all on a journey and works in progress. We can shift and change and grow,” says Hilaria.
In this week’s Meet a Mom interview with The Local Moms Network, Hilaria shares more about lessons her own life is teaching her kids, her secret Lego obsession, her relationship with stepdaughter Ireland Baldwin, and more.
What else are you sharing with your kids that you’ve learned from your unique life in the spotlight?
I tell them that while it’s important to be introspective and constantly better ourselves, people who pick you apart are typically very hurt and shining a mirror on their own insecurities and struggles. We send them compassion and empathy and distance ourselves to protect our own peace. It has nothing to do with us anyway.
This winter on the East Coast has been a doozy. How do you keep your kids entertained when the weather is bad or school is cancelled?
Recently I got really into the “let them get bored” method. I don’t even know if I should call it a method but it’s a little bit of going back to our roots, where we just let kids be more than helicopter. I used to schedule like crazy and was terrified of any down time, and then I started listening to other parents and experts about how important it is for imagination, resilience and autonomy for kids to get a little bored.
Love that! With six kids, how do you make individual time for everyone?
One of the most amazing things about having so many kids is they are all unique and being their mom is about helping them discover their individual soul. I lean into their interests and individuality to drive special things we can do together. It definitely takes a village in our lives to permit the logistics of individual time, especially between work and school and activities. I’m grateful for our community.
How do you make time for yourself? And your marriage?
Well I definitely don’t sleep very much! Exercise for me is very important. It helps my mind and my body and relieves stress. Everyone tells me how fast childhood goes and I’m already seeing it, as my kids grow. I know that this chaos is something that I will look back on one day and long for.
So I lean into gratitude and I feel like Alec is on the same page too. We like to have dinner together and we talk a million times a day, but there is no magic to the me time or us time that I’ve found. It’s perspective and loving the process.
What’s something that would surprise people about you?
I’m obsessed with Legos and puzzles. If I open one with the kids, it’s hard for me to stand up or pull myself away until I finish it—-even if that means staying up all night.
Legos are definitely fun for adults, too. How would you describe Alec as a father—and how would he describe you as a mother?
Alec takes the kids to school every day and their extracurricular activities. I am bathing, feeding, putting them to bed, getting them ready in the am. We very much divide and conquer.
What are your daily nonnegotiable in terms of fitness and daily movement?
I run every day. I love to do my yoga and barre classes, but if I don’t have time, I make sure I run for 30 minutes. It completely changes my mindset, even when I really don’t want to. I’m never mad at myself that I forced the workout. I like to eat in a way that I will feel good after. This being said, part of this is indulging in foods that I used to prohibit because I had an eating disorder for years. So it’s a mix of eating clean but also splurging.
You recently brought your family to New York Fashion Week. What were some of the highlights for you?
We had the best time at NYFW! The kids were so excited to dress up and go. They picked out their outfits and helped each other get ready. Rafael and Carmen are particularly into fashion right now so they loved the experience. Rafa loves art, fashion and perfumes, so this was a very special experience.
Your stepdaughter Ireland Baldwin recently shared on Instagram about your relationship, saying “Hilaria is the reason I am able to have the close relationship with my father that I do.” What has the process been like for you as a stepmom?
I treasure my relationship with Ireland. I have always had so much respect for family, that when I met Alec and he wanted to introduce me to his daughter, I knew I was connecting with a whole family. A mother, a father and daughter… and my number one priority was to respect this and come in fourth in this family dynamic. I was very clear that if I wasn’t welcomed in an easy way, I wasn’t going to stay in the relationship with Alec. I had too much respect for this family, that had been through so much and I only wanted to be a positive force and not cause more pain.
I was lucky that Ireland was so welcoming of me and we got along so well and formed an amazing relationship. I was lucky that Kim was kind to me. I was lucky that Alec was a good partner. My place in their family was to be there if anyone needed me, but not to force myself in. Through this, I believe I have earned my own special spot in their family. I had to have the confidence and security on my own, rather than external validation.